Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
how drunk are you?
Several
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
