I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
