after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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