Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize