I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Never joke about your clitoris.
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