508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
