I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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