Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
time to smoke my breakfast
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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