I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She said her name was "party"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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