Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
