Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He did a backflip because drugs
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
