He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
