i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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