she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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