he shaved USA in his pubs
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
