Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
