ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
