just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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