Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
