he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
