I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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