how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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