I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
