My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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