Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
