end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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