It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
