Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
