This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
bring money and cleavage
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
