he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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