theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
