i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
