my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
