This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
