I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
