When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
