I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's shark week go big or go home
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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