she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
