if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
