apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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