i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He did a backflip because drugs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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