Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
