he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
