i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
