You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
