So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
