That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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