We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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