I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Girls should come with a carfax report
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
