i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is wine microwaveable?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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