Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
