dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
