I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
