I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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