Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
