she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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