So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
