There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
