it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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