I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
