Soap is not a condiment
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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