How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
