I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
