I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
