just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
