Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Non-Jews are for practice
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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