we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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