I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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